I watched it in between paragraphs of 11/22/63 and texts to my best friend, though. Melissa McCarthy in an evening gown swilling Grey Goose made my night. I love her so much. As I mentioned, I have a best friend so I may have to settle for having an sordid affair with her. Call me, Melissa.
~~~~~
When I was a kid, I had pen-pals from all over the damned
place. At one point, I had over 70. This was before the PC's heyday, of course,
when I wrote all of these letters by hand. They weren't single pagers, either.
These were enthusiastic, multi-sheet, teenage ramblings. These folks
were my friends. To this day I communicate with a handful of them
through Facebook.
I have been in touch on and off, for example, with one lady in
Wales since we were about 12. I can't even remember how I started writing to
her. But there's another in Arizona (hi Dece!!!) and I can't recall for the
life of me how long we've known each other. There was a big, big gap in there,
where she got married and had kids and I had whatever I had goin' on and then
found PS and me girlies, and then she found me again and I'm very glad.
Here's something I should tell you: it's a great source of
pride for me to be able to maintain a friendship with someone I have never met
in person. Long-term relationships with people you don't know in the
day-to-day is really much lovelier than you think. I don't mean padding your
Facebook friend list with anybody who collects begonias to make yourself look
like an awesome person. I mean carrying on an honest-to-goodness dialogue
fairly frequently. It can happen. It takes effort, not to mention trust.
You really have to set aside some of your preconceived notions about people
(which is liberating for you both), and feel grateful that someone's taking the
same chance on you that you are on them.
When I was in my mid- to late twenties, I was a constant at
Murmurs.com, a fansite / forum devoted to R.E.M. That place was both a saviour
to me and a bit of an undoing. I met a fling there (*wince*... yeah... it
didn't feel like a fling at the time but it was... he went on to marry another
Canadian so he obviously became quite enamoured of us), but I also met a pile of really solid
people. I've met one of them in person (Hi Bethie, if you ever make it here)
and kept in touch with a bunch of others. I have never met them, but I know
about their folks, siblings, spouses, kids, jobs, hobbies, all of it. I
emphasize: we have never laid eyes on each other. One of them (a Peter
Buck devotee from Vienna) left Facebook and I have missed her ever since.
Before the internet became The Internet, people seemed to
attempt to communicate in earnest. I don't want to say that those were the Good
Ole Days, but they kind of were. The trolls popped up right away and since we
all know real life morons, their presence was no real surprise. What did
surprise me was how trolling quickly morphed into a terrible social phenomenon,
something almost unrecognizable by people who didn't grow up with sociopaths
for parents. Internet Trolls are angry, seething, pontificating little fuckers.
They seem to be either bible thumpers or atheists, gun freaks or barefoot
flakes. Given that their chosen extreme is provocative and instigative, they
are always, always anonymous.
Anonymous could be my mother, I've realized, and although my
mother doesn't have much of a cruel streak, I've wondered if The Internet couldn't
crack the shell of a long hidden seed at the core of anyone. I mean... The
Internet can wear you down. We've all see it happen, either via the media or
right in front of our eyes. On the tail of that thought, I theorized that
perhaps the Internet is a perpetual high school, rampant with rich brats and
idiots and sluts and geeks, and then just the kids fumbling around trying to
figure shit out and get home before the assholes see them. Bad hair, bad
clothing, bad choices, there for all to see, no matter what. But it
doesn't matter who or where or what you are or do or have. There's always
someone smarter or dumber or prettier or uglier than you, just because they or
someone else says so and adds a bible verse and REMEMBER 9/11?!!1 and GUNS FOR
FREEDOM, Y'ALL. Just like high school, none of this crap is forgotten. The
Internet's a yearbook, every inscription set in stone. And once someone learns
your name, you're fucked.
It's important to note that most of the rest of the world
appears to be using the Internet to desperately stage revolutions or effect
some sort of social, economic or political change. Meanwhile, citizens of North
America have been busily posting their homemade porn and rating pictures of
other people's shit. I'm not surprised that the U.S. government wants to
curtail the online rights of American citizens. They think you're all
unoriginal, uncreative shit fiends. It's a little alarming and frankly, quite
off-putting.
The Internet is a place and thing all on its own. It is well
and truly an entity. A means to an end, or the end itself. It, like many things
in this world, is both a gift and a curse to humankind. It's certainly a gift
to me: here I am, in a bright working space in quaint office building somewhere
in the Greater Toronto Area, tapping away at a blog entry that has taken me two
days to pull together. I believe honesty can still work in your favour, even on
the Internet, if you use a little empathy, have a little respect for other
people, and for God's sake, some respect for yourself. A reference to the world
now means the people in it, a network of countries and cultures. So really, the
world is very, very small and more closely knit than we could ever have
imagined. Take care of it.
Rule of Thumb: If it would embarrass your parents, keep
it to yourself. If your parents are meddlesome pains in the ass and they don't
know a fucking thing, fine. Think of your grandparents, okay, Princess
Squished Titties Duck Lips? It's likely that the sort of thing that would
embarrass your grandma could stop you from getting a great job, or dismay a
prospective (and decent) significant other, or really hurt your (future)
kids.
Whatever you throw onto the wall of the Internet will stick.
Remember that.
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