My friend Beth linked to this on Facebook (originally posted here). I really had to share it, since Stark's biggest beef with Twilight has always been mine. The comments are golden.
An io9 commenter named Unicycle offered this Dr. Seussian synopsis of the Twilight series:
Twilight, by Dr. Seuss
Jake likes a girl. Her name is Bella.
Bella likes a different fella.
See this vamp? This is Ed.
Ed is pale. Ed is dead.
Ed saved Bella from a van.
Ed must be a special man.
Ed won't kill boys. He won't kill girls.
Ed gets fed on deer and
squirrels.
This is James. He's a tracker.
He's a sort of vamp attacker.
James hunts Bella for a thrill.
Will Ed kill him? Yes, he will.
But James gave her a little bite.
Will she be a vamp? She might!
Edward fixes Bella's cut.
She won't be a vampire.
But...
She becomes one. Read some more.
She's a vampire in book 4.
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